Today....

Ahhh, where to begin, where to begin. I actually had a sense of accomplishment when I left the office today. That was a welcome change. The drama level is still teetering just below the "Pure Insanity" notch, unfortunately, and doesn't appear to be changing. I am making myself slog through a few more weeks before I really start thinking about a lobotomy. I was sooo happy to skip out the door at five, get in my car, crank up some old-school jams, and rock out. I ended up next to a conservative Beamer lady on my right who couldn't resist looking over her little-on-the-end-of-her-nose-with-gold-beaded-chain spectacles at me and shooting a disapproving conservative look. I gave her a little wave and thought about how much that glance was deepening her frown lines. Prude. After a few stanzas of "Hey, Dirrtay--baby I gotchur monay, don'tchu worray...I say hey!" I felt much better about my situation, and the chainsaw buzzing in my head started to fade a little. Once home, I realized again why I married my husband. We got the muffin fed, bathed, played for a bit, got him off to bed, then had a Husband-and-Wife Game Night. We played Mancala, (that weird little African rock game) and a few rounds of Uno. Between him and the bebe', I can almost forget all the work-day woes...

Baby C was good this evening, though I feel like I hardly get to see him. If and only IF I get off at a normal time, as soon as I get home, it's time for his dinner, then bath, a little play time, then bed. And that's all the time I get to spend with him. The weekends are pretty much my saving grace. If I didn't have those, I wouldn't be able, either physically or emotionally, to get through the week. My job has not always been like this. Even when going back full time after my Maternity Leave, I never felt like I have these past few weeks. I got home on time, I was happy, and the days were not filled with sniping. Working and being a mommy can (and used to be, for a short while), a very rewarding experience--especially if you have good childcare, which we are fortunate to have. You are making an imprint on a tiny human being that you created, and also providing for your family. But boy--when things are crazy at your job, it's a whole different ballgame. With these long hours I've been working lately, I feel like I'm missing out on so much. He's changing so fast as it is--it's like I just turn my head for a moment, and he's completely different when I look back again. (By the way, did I mention I think he's working on tooth #8? The kid already brushes his teeth himself. No Joke.) The hubby and I were just talking about that tonight. In eight months, he's come from not being able to hold his head up to this crazy little gremlin who is all over everything--crawling, standing, laughing, pointing! I know that I am doing what's best for both my family and myself, but especially when your job isn't going how you want it to, you end up questioning your choices.....